Category: Blog Posts

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Stresssssss

I’ve been thinking a lot about stress lately. A few recent incidents with family and friends have brought to the fore for me the enormous negative impact stress can have on people’s physical health.  I’ve also noticed, as I have started getting used to being retired and not working like a maniac all the time, certain improvements in my own health.  

For example, I’ve had lower back problems for years. X-rays showed a slight issue, but nothing that isn’t common in people my age. I also know that my posture and exercise habits could be better.  But I do my best and I keep a spare pillow in the places I tend to slouch (like my living room couch) to provide extra support.  I have managed it fairly well over the last many years with daily stretches and regular massages. The stretches and massage were recommended to me after a particularly bad bout of back pain several years ago that required physical therapy (which helped a ton).  Like my diabetes, my back pain just became something that I managed.  I did ok, but I always knew when I was getting close to my massage appointment and sometimes had to move it up because I was feeling the strain in my back.  I definitely took more ibuprofen than I’d like. But I managed and for the most part did ok.  

Then I retired. I didn’t notice it at first but two years down the road I realize that my back is muuuuch better.  I still do my stretches and get my massage, but I haven’t taken an ibuprofen for months.  I still take care to sit right and bend my knees when I lift things, but my back is noticeably better than when I was working.  Of course, other factors could explain this improvement. I would like to say that I started a vigorous exercise program when I retired and that has improved my lower back muscles. But I’m not really exercising much more now that I’m retired.  That’s certainly still on my list of things to do in retirement, but so far retirement has only allowed me flexibility as to what time of day I exercise rather than increasing the overall amount. It could be because I don’t spend all day sitting behind a desk or conference table anymore, or because I don’t have to sit in a car for a daily commute.  But earlier this summer it became clear to me that stress was a major if not the primary factor.  I got into a very difficult conversation with someone I’m close to that upset me very much.  When I woke up the morning after that conversation I could barely stand upright.  My lower back was in so much pain that I was hunched over like a 100 year old woman. It was like flipping a switch. There was no doubt in my mind that the stress of the day before had gone straight to my lower back. 

Of course, this isn’t some great revelation – doctors have been saying this for years. I have seen a direct correlation between my stress level and my blood sugar readings.  My meter even has a box to mark myself as “stressed” if my blood sugar is high. A quick internet search yields 24 different medical conditions linked to or exacerbated by stress. Reading the rest of the results of that search was pretty depressing, or, dare I say –stressful – so I won’t go on about all the studies on how bad stress is. Suffice it to say that it literally causes structural changes in your brain, and the American Psychological Association site explains exactly how it messed up my back. See, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5579396/https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body

These articles also note that the impact increases based on the level and duration of the stress. Which leads to the next logical question, “So what are we going to do about it?”

When I was younger I dreamed of the stress-free life. I even looked at different professions, like running a Bed & Breakfast, until I realized that all of them brought their own stresses and hassles. There really is no such thing as a stress-free life. Even in retirement when I’m basically working for my cats 7 months out of the year, there’s stress. I stress over whether I should be more productive, exercise more or take up a new venture.  It took me a year frankly just to learn how to stop.  

But I do think there are different types of stress and that two of the biggest categories are “stress we can’t control” and “stress we can control.”  In other words, when a friend gets sick, a pipe bursts, or world events get even crazier, that’s stress we didn’t create and can’t control , so we are not likely to find a way to eliminate it.  Our focus then must be on how we respond to it and how best to manage the stress. But we all know we bring stress upon ourselves too.  When we obsess about something that’s not worth the agita, when we pick fights with people, when we comment on social media posts from people we don’t know and never will care to – that’s stress we can control and potentially eliminate or reduce. 

Again, I’m stating the obvious: “If everybody could control their unnecessary stress, we’d be better off.”  Duh. Not so easy either.  But it would be great progress just to 1) recognize these two different categories and identify which is which, and 2) focus on reducing the stress we can control. We will never be able to eliminate all stress – not even all controllable stress. But if level and duration matter, we may be able to make a dent. 

How? I don’t have any magic answers. I guess trying to keep a sharper focus on what is really going on – “mindfulness” as it were.  I say the Serenity Prayer to myself a lot, seeking the serenity “to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  I would hope that most people don’t choose to create added stress for themselves, although many certainly do. Others don’t realize they created the stress themselves till much later.  That “wisdom to know the difference” part can be very hard. 

But I think it’s key. The hard part isn’t coming up with measures to take once you are already stressed – oceans, mountains, music, art, spas, travel, whatever floats your boat. The hard part is recognizing and avoiding the stress you don’t need to bring on yourself in the first place.  So the next time you say “I have to work late because no one else can do this task,” or “I can’t ask for help with this because it won’t look good,” ask yourself “Is that really true?” (be honest).  Most of the time I bet there are other people who can help or cover for you if needed. Similarly, if you are beating yourself up about something, stop. Just by feeling bad about it you already know enough (or should) to not do whatever it is next time. Cut yourself a break.  That’s something everyone can control. 

When thinking about “controllable” stress, I often think about a scene in the wonderful novella by Stephen King called The Langoliers.  I’ll try not to spoil it for those who haven’t read it yet, but the basic premise is that a bunch of people get on a commercial airplane flight and about halfway through their journey about half the people on the plane just disappear. They manage to land at an airport and all the people there seem to have disappeared as well.  There is one guy, a businessman with an important meeting in what was supposed to be their destination, who keeps exclaiming something to the effect of, “I must get to my meeting!!! I must get off this plane and get to my meeting.  It’s a very important meeting and I’m a very important man!!!”  The rest of the passengers are like “Dude, it looks like the universe disappeared.  Your meeting is probably cancelled.” 

Don’t we all know people like that? Convinced that there is no alternative to stressing and working even if there are others to cover for them or -I guess- if the universe disappears. I am positive that I am guilty of having done that. I know that I absolutely have added to my own stress. It’s really hard not to, especially when you are getting pressure from your boss or others to get it done yesterday.  I got to the point where if someone came running to my office saying “We have an Emergency!!” I would first ask if someone was dying or something was on fire (both of which would constitute real emergencies in my mind).  If the answer was “no,” I knew we could probably handle whatever it was without the sky falling. 

So, one thing we can do when that awful stressful feeling starts bubbling up inside of us is ask ourselves whether it really is as much of a problem or emergency as we think it is.  Is someone dying? Is something on fire? Has the universe disappeared? If the answer is no, take a breath and put it in perspective. Start putting one foot in front of the other. What you are stressing about may be important, but stressing about it doesn’t actually make it better or easier. 

What can make it better or easier is putting one foot in front of the other and starting to get things done. I find lists to be very helpful.  If you have a list of things you need to accomplish that day or week seeing it on paper may help you realize it’s very doable (or not, in which case you need to adjust your list or get help). What really made me feel better was then actually checking things off the list. It’s such a great feeling that it pushes you to do the next item. When you have checked everything off the list, tear it up dramatically and throw it away! Done!!!

There are lots of other tricks to use to try to ward off stress. Close your eyes for a few moments and imagine you are in one of your “happy places” instead of whatever stressful situation confronts you.  Morning or evening meditations help if you have time. Pets can help you alleviate stress. I don’t know how people live without them.  One of my cats is all black with a single round white spot on his chest.  I sometimes imagine when I press that spot that I am somehow rebooting the world.  He and I together just calming everything down. Everyone is going to have their own tricks and comforting things – I would love to hear what others do to calm themselves and reduce stress.  Whatever your tricks are, just use them. One at a time. One foot in front of the other.  Lots of deep breaths.  Good luck!

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The Bird’s Eye Generation

“Take out the electric can opener. Open a can of tomatoes. Pour the contents into the blender. Open a packet of Lawry’s Italian Tomato Sauce Seasoning. Pour the contents into the blender. Blend. Pour the mixture into a saucepan. Heat. Voila! Spaghetti Sauce!”

That, I kid you not, were the instructions my mother gave me on how to make spaghetti sauce.  The idea was not just the maximum use of processed ingredients, but also apparently the maximum use of electricity. When she gave me these instructions, I hung on her every word.  I anxiously absorbed her wisdom and looked forward to my dinner of a big plate of spaghetti and sauce with an iceberg lettuce-based salad on the side. 

I adored my mother. She was a wonderful person and I miss her every single day. But she was a terrible cook.  I feel like Dr. Henry Louis Gates could do a show tracing the origins of why my mother was such a terrible cook. He could show how her lack of skills flowed inevitably from her background as the child of eastern European Jewish immigrants.  She didn’t just cook meat.  She destroyed meat. Everything was burned or broiled till it reached that hue I like to call “flanken gray.”  Vegetables were cooked till limp.  Frankfurters and other salted meats were taken out of the freezer and placed directly in the broiler, served with canned beans as if they were a fine cassoulet. She did make one great dish she creatively called “cabbage soup,” which I have since learned is a recipe out of the wonderful Molly Goldberg Jewish Cookbook (by Gertrude Berg and Myra Waldo), just as creatively called “Meat and Cabbage.” It’s basically a meat and cabbage borscht, easy to make and requires a long slow cook so it was right up my mom’s culinary alley.  

But it’s really not fair to attribute my mother’s lack of culinary prowess on her eastern European background. If my mother’s lack of cooking skills were simply a matter of culture and genetics, Professor Gates would have been mightily confused since there are many excellent cooks of eastern European Jewish immigrant stock.  I think my mother’s inability to cook was a product of several additional forces. First, my grandmother wasn’t a very good cook either. She emigrated to America by herself when she was 13 years old. Once here, she worked a lot.  She worked in the garment industry, organized a union, and saved enough to bring over other members of her family.  I’m sure she cooked, but I’m also sure it wasn’t a priority, and she wasn’t spending a lot on groceries. Once she got married and she and my grandfather saved up a little money, he and his brother opened a newspaper/candy/stationary store in Park Slope, Brooklyn. While I am sure my grandmother cooked enough to feed her family, she also worked in the store and continued her civic activities.  Growing up I only remember two signature dishes from my grandmother.  The first dish was her noodle kugel, which we do have the recipe for but it’s basically carbs and dairy, so I haven’t had it in a while.  The second dish was her matzo balls, which we affectionately called “hockey pucks.”  I don’t know how she did it, but my grandmother made matzo balls that both looked like and had the consistency of hockey pucks.  They weren’t black, but they were hard.  I think there was an oven involved, but I’m not sure.  They tasted good and softened up in soup, and we loved her enough that we told her they were great, but the Passover before she died was the last time any of us had them.  We literally couldn’t recreate them.  

So, in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s when my mother got married and set up house with my father, my guess is that she had gotten little instruction from my grandmother on how to cook good food.  At the same time, it was the dawn of the era of the modern convenience. The “Bird’s-Eye” generation was in full swing, and women like my mother were told that if it was freeze-dried, canned, frozen, or processed it was modern and superior.  The faster you could bring it from your refrigerator or freezer to your family’s table, the better.  To her credit, my mother did not believe in TV dinners, which were all the rage, but she was highly influenced by the promise of the modern age and “the great big, beautiful tomorrow” being touted by the Carousel of Progress at the 1964 World’s Fair (which we visited frequently). Other than the components of that iceberg lettuce salad she often made us, she never bought a vegetable in its natural state. The Green Giant was her sous chef. 

Suffice it to say, I did not learn how to cook from my mother. As a diabetic I try to pay attention to every ingredient I put in my mouth. I can’t always do that when I eat out, but I can when I eat at home, so I try to keep processed foods to an absolute minimum.  This is especially true now that I have to watch out for hidden dairy. I make exceptions because I truly believe that exceptions help you stick to strict diets. But I try to make sure that the even the ingredients in my exceptions are things I can recognize and understand where they came from. 

I remember a long time ago a friend saying to me that we need to cut processed foods out of our diet.  At the time I thought it was a crazy idea.  Processed foods are ubiquitous! How can you eliminate them?  Now that I have almost done it, I realize it’s not really that hard.  It starts with being very intentional in how you shop for groceries.  You should spend almost all of your time on the outer aisles of the store. Produce, meats, bakery, dairy, those sections form the outer ring.  When you buy anything in the middle, reading labels must become part of your routine. The more ingredients on the label, especially ones you don’t know or can’t pronounce, the more suspicious you should be. If there is something processed that you really love, check the nutrition label to see how bad it really is. How high is the salt content? Sugar? Saturated fat? If it’s not too bad, make it a treat. If it is, think about whether you can doctor it to make it healthier.  For example, I have a weakness for ramen noodles. I just love them.  They got me through college. But they are so high in salt it’s scary.  So I still buy them but will leave out the salty flavor packet and will add flavor to the broth in other ways (e.g., use low salt chicken or vegetable broth, soak dried mushrooms in water as a base for a broth).  If you must have chips, spring for the better ones that are actually made from potatoes or corn and maybe have a little less salt. (Shout out here to Tostitos Multi-grain Scoops and Terra Sweet Potato Chips).  If you can’t live without chocolate, switch to a quality dark chocolate (did you know Reese’s makes a thin dark chocolate variety?) 

It definitely takes more work, a lot more thought and actual reading in the supermarket that does not involve tabloid magazines. It’s a level of intention and discipline not everyone has. But it will help you eat better and thus feel better.  If you can’t put in this much effort, try one of those meal services that will do it for you. There are a lot out there that offer healthy options.  Or start slow.  Start by eliminating certain types of processed foods.  Then you can move on to something else.  Before you know it the frozen food aisle and the cookie and candy aisle will be distant memories.  Or, you will know exactly which item in those aisles you like and can have, and you will swoop in, grab it, and leave without loitering by the Ben and Jerry’s or the Oreos.  Just start somewhere and see how it goes.  Before you know it you will be laughing at yourself for thinking it wasn’t possible. 

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Resolutions

I’ve often felt that New Year’s resolutions are a trap. You wake up after a night when you either stayed up too late drinking and eating, or you fell asleep before midnight trying to do so.  Either way, you wake up on New Year’s Day feeling somewhat disappointed in yourself and vulnerable to the suggestion that you should resolve somehow to be better. Then you are bombarded immediately – and by that, I mean if you don’t turn off your television before the first commercial break after midnight – with ads for gym memberships, diet programs, nutritional supplements, and minor surgical procedures that are going to make you a better you. It makes you want to either pour yourself another drink, grab another cookie or go to bed. 

Please don’t misunderstand.  I think it is an excellent idea to take stock periodically, think about how we can improve ourselves, and hit the reset button on parts of our lives that could be working better. New Years is as good a time as any, especially if you want to take advantage of January sales at yoga studios or fitness centers, but really you can do this at any time of year.  Where the “trappy” part comes in though, in my view, is in the expectations department. We’ve just come out of a time of year when everyone is talking about miracles and wonderment.  People have been watching Hallmark movies, reindeer are flying, snowmen are singing, and even the Scroogiest of people are showing goodwill. It may not be the best time to set our expectations for what we can realistically accomplish in the new year. Then, with expectations high, we set out with that all-important earnestness to those yoga studios and fitness centers and flood them in the early weeks of January.  Can’t find a parking spot near the gym?  No problem! I’ll walk there!  But a few weeks later when it’s 20 degrees and dark and you can’t find a parking spot you start to give up and say you will try again tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes the next day. February becomes March. Your resolution goes by the wayside, and you feel disappointed in yourself again. 

I think the solution is to make little resolutions throughout the year. Ones you can accomplish.  You can start in January, but if you succeed by February, good for you! Make another one. Don’t resolve to “lose 30 pounds.”  Losing 30 pounds is hard. It can take a very long time.  While that may be something you ultimately want to do, resolve first to do something more manageable. For example, you could resolve only to eat savory breakfasts, or only to eat whole grain breads, or to cut out one thing like bacon or fast food. These things may lead to weight loss, maybe even 30 pounds worth over time, but they are much more manageable and will allow you to declare victory and feel good about yourself sooner (even if you end up cheating occasionally). It’s about setting yourself up for success and then building on that success. 

I haven’t decided yet if I am going to make a resolution this year. Last year I didn’t make one till spring when I decided I wanted to “kayak more.”  I bought kayaks at my beach house, and I did, indeed, kayak more (that was an easy one).  The year before I resolved to “waste less food.”  That one was a little harder, but I succeeded there too, mostly by targeting my produce buying to what I could realistically eat and then prioritizing its use by what was going to go bad first. I decided to stack on top of that cutting down on my use of plastic film wrap (which wreaks havoc at recycling facilities) by using plates and pot tops etc. to cover food in the fridge instead. All doable, all done.  This year I’m thinking of cutting down on processed meats.  While I really try to eat healthy, I haven’t been able to eliminate bacon from my diet or escape my love of Jewish deli.  I know I will never be able to eliminate them entirely as long as they continue to serve hot dogs at baseball games, but maybe I can at least eat less. I’ll let you know how that goes. 

We all have the hard things we want to change about ourselves and the somewhat easier things.  Changing the hard things frankly needs to be a 365 day a year multi-year venture.  It’s not the stuff of resolutions.  Resolutions should be about the easier stuff. The things you can accomplish so you can give yourself some confidence for that 365-day struggle to address the big issues. Resolutions are for the things you can check off the list and then move on, patting yourself on the back as you go. Because when it comes to the hard stuff, simply resolving to be different doesn’t make it happen. That requires changing habits, changing expectations, reorienting priorities, and a lot of time and hard work. You should no doubt resolve to do these things, but you will still be working on them next January, the January after that, and the January after that, G*d willing! For now, for this January, pick something simple and doable.  Give yourself a win. 

So here’s hoping we don’t set traps for ourselves in 2023. Happy New Year!! Champagne glasses with solid fill

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Eight Crazy Nights!

Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah.  As with many Jewish holidays there is debate over the original story (not to mention the spelling in English of the holiday itself) but generally speaking, Hanukkah commemorates the triumph of the Macabees in about 164 BCE over the Greeks, and the liberation and rededication of the second Temple in Jerusalem after Judaism had been outlawed there. When the Jews reentered the Temple, they found that their foes had left only enough oil to light the Temple for one day. But miraculously, the oil lasted for eight days until they had time to make more pure oil to light the temple.  

Of course, all Jewish holidays have some food ritual associated with them.  Because Hanukkah celebrates an oil-based miracle, we eat foods cooked in oil on Hanukkah.  The star attractions are fried potato pancakes, aka latkes, and donuts of all kinds as long as they are fried.  As you can imagine these ritual carbs-fried-in-oil make Hanukkah a bit of a landmine-filled holiday for those of us watching our carbs and sugar.  Not only that, we tend to pair our fried carbs with things like applesauce, sour cream, and heavy meats, and we sometimes fill the donuts with jelly or cream. Then we shower everything with “Gelt,” little chocolate coins that I have never ever found in a sugar-free variety. 

So how does a diabetic, much less one with lactose issues, navigate all eight nights of Hanukkah? Other than praying for more miracles, choices must be made and substitutes must be found. Personally, I believe strongly that potato latkes are cheatworthy, especially since I only eat them a few times a year. Lactose free sour cream can be used, and no sugar added applesauce is easy to make or buy.  I just try not to eat too many latkes at one sitting and not to have latkes too many nights during the holiday. I generally skip the donuts. I may have one piece of Gelt (dark chocolate if I can find it).  

What I don’t try to do is mess with the ritual.  Latkes are made with white potatoes and onions. I remember my Grandmother once trying to make “string bean latkes.”  I have also heard tales of “zucchini latkes.”  There may be some use for these things as side dishes in other contexts, but they are not foods to eat on Hanukkah. I bet sweet potato pancakes would be good too, but they have nothing to do with the Macabees and should be left off your holiday table except if you want to get creative at Thanksgiving. In my family, we used to have my mother’s cheesecake for dessert at Hannukah (and other holidays). It was when I tried to make a sugar-free, dairy-free version of my mother’s cheesecake that I learned that my family really does love me no matter what. Thankfully, my niece has since picked up the effort to try to replicate the cheesecake with much better results.  

The bottom line is, in my view, Hanukkah food is one of those areas where “navigating” means eating less, maybe utilizing some hacks to lower your blood sugar (like taking a walk after dinner), or choosing between the ritual foods (like skipping the donuts).  Or maybe, if you can do this and not blow your A1C, you can cheat just one or two days (not all eight!).  I just don’t think – other than perhaps using sugar-free or dairy-free condiments, that changing the ritual is going to be a satisfying solution.  

However, all is not lost.  Your other senses may help you out.  While anyone watching their carbs knows they can’t eat latkes for all eight nights of Hanukkah, anyone who has ever made latkes knows that afterwards their kitchen will smell like latkes for at least eight nights.  So, your nose at least (and probably the clothes you were wearing when you were cooking) will be enjoying those latkes all week!  It’s a miracle I tell you!!! A miracle!!!

A joyous and happy holiday to all my friends and family.  May your light shine brightly throughout the year. 

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Oy Covid!

So I finally got COVID.  After more than two and a half years of quarantining, masking, hand-washing, disinfecting, and worrying it finally got me. Of course, it happened the first time I decided to really let my guard down and go out and live like I used to.  I went on a real vacation where I saw lots of good friends.  I had gone on vacation before over the last two and a half years, but previously it was to warm places where I hung out with only a few people and where we could eat and spend most of our time outside. This time it was a little colder, I was with more people, and we went out in groups and ate and drank indoors.  We hugged each other when we said hello and goodbye and I don’t regret a single minute of it. It felt wonderful to be a social human and spend time laughing and loving and having fun with large groups of people again. 

Of course, I am double vaxxed and multi-boosted and my doctor says it is because of those shots that my symptoms were not that bad. Thank you, Science!!  It mostly felt like a moderate cold, but one that came with a bit more fatigue.  I had a bout with the Flu a few years back that was much much worse. Like most people I know, I am only two-degrees separated from someone who got COVID early in the pandemic and then was suddenly and tragically gone.  His wife and son and family are still reeling from the experience. I count my blessings every minute of every day.  We all need to remember how far we have come and how lucky we are that we are now able to withstand this horrible disease that has killed so many as if it is just a moderate cold that comes with a bit more fatigue. Please get your shots and your boosters and remember to thank science whenever you get the chance. 

What I did not expect was that the most difficult part of having COVID for me was going to be managing my diabetes while I was sick. I am used to my blood sugar readings going up when I get sick and I was prepared for that to happen, but it didn’t. I had also heard about people losing their sense of taste and smell with COVID but that didn’t happen to me either.  What did happen was that I completely and totally lost my appetite. When I say completely and totally, I mean completely and totally.  If I didn’t remind myself to eat, I could have gone an entire day without eating.  No hunger pangs would have reminded me to grab a bite. The only thing that caused me to eat at all was a recognition on my part that as an insulin-dependent diabetic I had to eat for my blood sugar not to get dangerously low. I almost started a fire at one point because I put a steak in the broiler and completely forgot about it. If my oven hadn’t started beeping at me in distress who knows what would have happened. 

Now as an experienced insulin user, I know I can adjust my doses here and there to protect myself from lows.  I did lower my short acting insulin doses before lunch and dinner a little, recognizing that I was eating less.  But I was in new territory without even realizing it.  One night I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling that something was off. This has happened to me before.  In fact, it happens about four or five times a year.  Sometimes I will have the symptoms that I have learned to recognize as symptoms of low blood sugar – a drenching sweat, an elevated heartbeat, a headache – but not always.  Sometimes I just wake up from a deep sleep and just feel that something is off.  I have programmed myself in those circumstances, like the way you would program a “rule” for your computer or emails, that when I wake up and feel that way I’m not allowed to think, I must get up out of bed and test. I guess I am lucky that my body wakes me up and I am lucky that I can program myself that way because nearly every time that I have gotten up and tested in such circumstances, I have had an extremely low reading. With COVID though, I had my lowest reading ever. You generally want to be at around 100 mg/dL.  I consider anything between 80-120 mg/dL to be within range. That night (it was 3 AM when I tested) I was at 44!

I know what to do in these circumstances.  I keep fast acting glucose tablets and protein bars by my bed. I had a bunch of those and retested 15 minutes later and was able to get my numbers back in range. I also have a great internet-connected meter that coaches you and offers to have a diabetes coach call you when you get a reading that low, although I declined the service (nice to know it’s there though). The next day, I had an already scheduled virtual appointment with my endocrinologist and when he heard this story, he immediately lowered my insulin doses and gave me very specific instructions on what dosages to take as long as I still had no appetite and how to go back to normal once my appetite returned. 

But this was a learning experience for me for sure. I am very regimented about taking my insulin and sticking to my doses – which I believe is a big part of my success in controlling my diabetes – but in this instance it got in the way of taking care of myself.  Instead of taking my usual doses and then trying to eat more to account for the insulin, I should have simply reduced the amount of insulin I was taking. If I was unsure, I should have called the doctor right away rather than wait till my appointment (something he stressed to me the next day). But I also learned that I really can trust my body to wake me up when my blood sugar crashes and that the “rule” I programmed for myself of “don’t think, just test” really does work.  I don’t know if other people wake up when their blood sugar crashes or if they are able to program themselves like that, but I am very grateful that I can.  I think if I was ever unsure about it, I would start testing every night before going to bed or else I would switch to a continuous monitor. It would just be too scary otherwise.  The other lesson is to always keep fast acting glucose tabs and something more substantial like a protein bar not only next to your bed but with you at all times in case your blood sugar drops too low.  I have experienced drops not only at night but at other times like after exercise or if I had a light lunch so it’s always good to have some food on you just in case. 

But this aspect of COVID was one I had not heard people talk about.  I had heard about losing a sense of taste and smell, but not about a loss of appetite altogether. My appetite is back and I’m feeling fine now.  I am back to my normal doses and blood sugar readings.  Unfortunately, the weight I lost that week is back too, but that’s ok.  

I don’t regret for one minute having emerged from my pandemic cocoon to get out and have fun again with my friends. While I am wearing my mask again a little more indoors it was worth it to feel more normal again.  I learned some lessons along the way, so I guess all’s well that ends well.  The most important lesson? Please make sure to get your boosters and remember to thank science!

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A Cat Named Scampi

            I have a cat named Scampi.  I didn’t set out to name my cat after a butter sauce. It just kind of happened. My sister-in-law went on vacation to England and brought me back a tea towel with “The Cats of Canterbury Cathedral.” One of them was named Scampi. I thought it was an adorable name for a cat so I named my tuxedo kitten Scampi, with full appreciation of the irony.  In fact, I am not only digestively intolerant of the sauce for which he is named, I am allergic to shrimp – the protein often served with Scampi the sauce.  But it worked out just fine.  Scampi the cat is delicious and soothes my soul and he and his brother Schuyler (named after the sisters in Hamilton without any touch of irony) rarely cause me agita and never any digestive concern. 

            That I would name my sweet little cat after a dish that would make me sick is not surprising to me.  I seem to be drawn to the things I can’t have even though I can’t have them.  I am a huge fan of cooking shows and my love for the ones featuring desserts has not diminished at all with my inability to eat sugar and dairy.  I call it the “Christina Tosi factor.”  For those unfamiliar, Christina Tosi is the Chef and Owner of Milk Bar, the sister bakery to the restaurant Momofuku in New York.  She is a frequent judge on MasterChef and I just love her.  She is the perfect combo of sweet and smart to balance the male judges on that show and she knows more about desserts than all of them put together and they gladly concede it. I love listening to her talk about desserts I will never eat.  And the Great British Baking Show?  When new episodes come out it’s like a holiday for me, knowing I will soon get to hear Paul Hollywood wax eloquent about sponges and how long to let dough prove.  I can’t even imagine how many grams of sugar that man must eat in a weekend but when he extends his hand to one of the contestants for one of his famous handshakes, I squeal too. Don’t even get me started on my new favorite “Is it Cake???” where baker/sculptors bake cakes to look identical to everyday objects and C list celebrities then guess which ones are real and which ones are cake. 

I’m sure that this is some form of coping mechanism. I still get some satisfaction from the visual sensation of looking at a beautiful dessert.  I also enjoy hearing about what it tastes like and how good it is. I can on some level “taste” it by imagining the flavor based on the description. It certainly has fewer calories this way!!  But I wonder if other people feel the same way or if others say “if I can’t have it I don’t want to look at it.”  I have heard some people say they don’t like to watch cooking shows because it makes them want to eat too much. It sometimes makes me want to cook, to try to make new things, but thankfully it doesn’t make me run to the fridge or the cupboard for a snack.

I am truly grateful for this phenomenon. I feel like it gives me an outlet for sugar and dairy cravings that I would not otherwise have.  Ironically though it has not yet led to me become an avid baker.  That really should be the next step and perhaps this blog will lead me in that direction. Now that I think of it, that same sister-in-law recently gave me a Momofuku cookbook as a gift. There are some bread and dessert recipes in there and I’ll bet Christina Tosi had a hand in those.  Maybe I will get ambitious, and I will try to make some of them in dairy-free/low sugar versions. I will let you know how it turns out.  I’m sure there will be quite a bit of trial and error involved but hopefully my efforts will not leave anyone asking “Is It Cake?????”