Resolutions

I’ve often felt that New Year’s resolutions are a trap. You wake up after a night when you either stayed up too late drinking and eating, or you fell asleep before midnight trying to do so.  Either way, you wake up on New Year’s Day feeling somewhat disappointed in yourself and vulnerable to the suggestion that you should resolve somehow to be better. Then you are bombarded immediately – and by that, I mean if you don’t turn off your television before the first commercial break after midnight – with ads for gym memberships, diet programs, nutritional supplements, and minor surgical procedures that are going to make you a better you. It makes you want to either pour yourself another drink, grab another cookie or go to bed. 

Please don’t misunderstand.  I think it is an excellent idea to take stock periodically, think about how we can improve ourselves, and hit the reset button on parts of our lives that could be working better. New Years is as good a time as any, especially if you want to take advantage of January sales at yoga studios or fitness centers, but really you can do this at any time of year.  Where the “trappy” part comes in though, in my view, is in the expectations department. We’ve just come out of a time of year when everyone is talking about miracles and wonderment.  People have been watching Hallmark movies, reindeer are flying, snowmen are singing, and even the Scroogiest of people are showing goodwill. It may not be the best time to set our expectations for what we can realistically accomplish in the new year. Then, with expectations high, we set out with that all-important earnestness to those yoga studios and fitness centers and flood them in the early weeks of January.  Can’t find a parking spot near the gym?  No problem! I’ll walk there!  But a few weeks later when it’s 20 degrees and dark and you can’t find a parking spot you start to give up and say you will try again tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes the next day. February becomes March. Your resolution goes by the wayside, and you feel disappointed in yourself again. 

I think the solution is to make little resolutions throughout the year. Ones you can accomplish.  You can start in January, but if you succeed by February, good for you! Make another one. Don’t resolve to “lose 30 pounds.”  Losing 30 pounds is hard. It can take a very long time.  While that may be something you ultimately want to do, resolve first to do something more manageable. For example, you could resolve only to eat savory breakfasts, or only to eat whole grain breads, or to cut out one thing like bacon or fast food. These things may lead to weight loss, maybe even 30 pounds worth over time, but they are much more manageable and will allow you to declare victory and feel good about yourself sooner (even if you end up cheating occasionally). It’s about setting yourself up for success and then building on that success. 

I haven’t decided yet if I am going to make a resolution this year. Last year I didn’t make one till spring when I decided I wanted to “kayak more.”  I bought kayaks at my beach house, and I did, indeed, kayak more (that was an easy one).  The year before I resolved to “waste less food.”  That one was a little harder, but I succeeded there too, mostly by targeting my produce buying to what I could realistically eat and then prioritizing its use by what was going to go bad first. I decided to stack on top of that cutting down on my use of plastic film wrap (which wreaks havoc at recycling facilities) by using plates and pot tops etc. to cover food in the fridge instead. All doable, all done.  This year I’m thinking of cutting down on processed meats.  While I really try to eat healthy, I haven’t been able to eliminate bacon from my diet or escape my love of Jewish deli.  I know I will never be able to eliminate them entirely as long as they continue to serve hot dogs at baseball games, but maybe I can at least eat less. I’ll let you know how that goes. 

We all have the hard things we want to change about ourselves and the somewhat easier things.  Changing the hard things frankly needs to be a 365 day a year multi-year venture.  It’s not the stuff of resolutions.  Resolutions should be about the easier stuff. The things you can accomplish so you can give yourself some confidence for that 365-day struggle to address the big issues. Resolutions are for the things you can check off the list and then move on, patting yourself on the back as you go. Because when it comes to the hard stuff, simply resolving to be different doesn’t make it happen. That requires changing habits, changing expectations, reorienting priorities, and a lot of time and hard work. You should no doubt resolve to do these things, but you will still be working on them next January, the January after that, and the January after that, G*d willing! For now, for this January, pick something simple and doable.  Give yourself a win. 

So here’s hoping we don’t set traps for ourselves in 2023. Happy New Year!!